Young Devon man forgives friend who caused crash that left him permanently paralysed
Only a few weeks after celebrating his 18th birthday, one ‘stupid’ decision changed Seth Marks’s life and future plans forever – but it has now led him to become an advocate for a powerful Restorative Justice (RJ) service for victims called Make Amends, funded by the Police and Crime Commissioner for Devon, Cornwall and the Isles of Scilly.
In the early hours of the morning after a night out drinking in his local village pub in Bere Alston, near Yelverton, Seth chose to get into a car that was being driven by one of his friends. The driver had been drinking with Seth during the evening and had also smoked cannabis.
The half a mile journey ended in tragedy when the then 22-year-old driver – who was speeding – careered off the road and collided with a bank and wooden garden fence. Seth was in the back of the car and wasn’t wearing a seatbelt.
He was rushed to Derriford Hospital having suffered severe fractures to his neck and spine and was told the devastating news he was quadriplegic and would never walk again. The driver and front seat passenger escaped the crash uninjured.
Seth has no recollection of the incident, his last memory being leaving the pub and then waking up in intensive care. Due to the ongoing police investigation, he could not talk to the driver, a close friend.
Seth was later transferred to Salisbury Hospital’s Spinal Treatment Centre and was finally able to return home where he lives with his mother around 21 months after the crash on May 6, 2022. He has regained partial movement in his biceps and left wrist but remains confined to a wheelchair, requiring 24/7 support from carers.
Harry, the driver of the car, was jailed for two –and –a half years after pleading guilty to dangerous driving and other driving offences.
He served 11 months of his sentence but during his imprisonment, Seth was able to talk to him and ask the questions he had desperately wanted answering. Incredibly, Seth was also able to say he forgave him thanks to the emotional meeting set up by award-winning Devon-based Make Amends.
Since 2017, the free, accredited support service has received funding from the Office of the Police and Crime Commissioner (OPCC) for Devon, Cornwall and the Isles of Scilly to help victims.
Make Amends offers RJ – a safe and completely voluntary process which brings those who have been affected by crime or conflict an opportunity to meet or communicate with those who have caused them harm to explain the impact it has had on them and others, ask questions and, if appropriate, seek an apology.
It gives those who accept responsibility for the harm, an insight into the real impact their actions have had on the person affected, their friends and family or the community.
During the last financial year, Make Amends supported 270 new and existing victims. Of those, 228 people completed the RJ process and were satisfied with the outcome, with 207 saying they felt safer and more empowered and resilient.
The service also supported 203 new and existing offenders last year with 105 completing the process and expressing satisfaction.
Under the Victims Code of Practice, all victims of crime, both children and adults, are entitled to receive RJ at the right time for them, and regardless of whether the crime has been reported or not to the police.
It was used by both Seth and his mum Julie after they accepted a referral to Make Amends by the police. They have now been able to fully embrace Harry back into their lives and move on thanks to the healing process it provides.
Seth and Julie have agreed to share their story to raise awareness to coincide with Restorative Justice Week and National Road Safety Week – both taking place this week.
Seth, who is now 21, recalled: “When I woke up in hospital I didn’t understand why I couldn’t move parts of my body. To be told I wouldn’t walk again was a shock and a lot to process.
“I kept asking myself why did I get into the car and why did we crash? But I wasn’t allowed contact with Harry which was sad. I wanted to stay friends with him as I had known him for years.
“A brief meeting with him was arranged and supervised by my mum in hospital with agreement from the police because as the investigation was still ongoing the accident was not to be discussed, but they recognised how important it was to me.
“It was more of a breaking the ice situation and lasted about five minutes. At first, he couldn’t even look at me and when he did he just broke down and his first words were, ‘I’m so, so sorry’. Had I been able to move my arms at the time I would have given him a hug. I have never blamed him for doing this to me. I got in the car and I chose not to wear my seatbelt.
“We both made the decision to get into the car that night so we both did wrong – and that’s what people couldn’t accept.”
After accepting a referral to try RJ through Make Amends and going through the process, Seth was also able to arrange FaceTime calls with Harry and their friendship has become stronger than ever.
Seth said: “We are now best mates as going through a traumatic process has brought us a lot closer. We can talk about what happened more openly and when we see each other we have a good laugh. I have a lot of time for Harry and he does for me too.”
Seth, who had been studying engineering at college before the crash, is hoping to spread more awareness about RJ and also road safety through the media and schools and colleges. He is also passionate about educating health professionals about the complexities and uniqueness of spinal injuries.
He said: “I have always been really positive about my accident and have not got any complaints. I might be in a wheelchair but I’m still living my best life and make the most out of every day.
“I might not be able to use my body but I have a brain and I will use that to my advantage to help others.”
Seth’s mum Julie also credits Make Amends for having enabled her to let go of the initial overwhelming feelings of ‘anger and hatred’ towards Harry after first seeing her son ‘broken’ in his hospital bed.
She agreed to take part in RJ and visited Harry in prison after deciding that’s where she wanted to meet him face-to-face around nine months after the crash.
Julie, who is now a lived experienced advisory panel member on a national RJ board to ensure it is more widely available for all victims, said: “It saved me, it really did. It feels a bit like counselling but it’s not. Instead, it gives you a voice.
“The opportunity enabled me to forgive Harry. It gives you a space to say what you need to say. It’s liberating, a relief and empowering as it puts you in control and enables you to move on, but the timing has to be right for the victim.
“When I first saw Harry through RJ, we gave each other a hug. Harry has always showed remorse, acceptance and responsibility for the accident. Since getting out of prison, he is the first one to help Seth with his medical needs when they’re out and about, and never lets him leave the pub alone. Harry also teaches other friends of his needs while out.
“People have asked me how I feel about Harry only having served 11 months in prison. To me, he was never in prison for what he did to Seth. If he had been there all of his life it wouldn’t rectify what he had done. Harry was in prison for breaking the law and for being in the car in the first place.
“I was also cross with Seth because he’s sensible and knew the dangers. It was a stupid accident but you can’t blame anyone because they were all equally stupid.
“It took me a while to get my head around not blaming Harry and I was so angry with him for what he had done and for wiping out all Seth’s hope and dreams. Then I realised what right did I have to be angry when Seth wasn’t? That really, really helped.
“Had Seth and Harry not gone through the RJ process, I don’t think they would have the friendship they have got now. It would have been very awkward between them.”
She added: “Harry is a lovely young man and we continue to give each other a big hug every time we see each other. I want him to learn from what happened and succeed which he is.
“I am amazingly proud of Seth and he has inspired me to do a lot of public speaking about RJ. I would encourage anyone to do RJ because it gives you the ability to move on and gives the victim a voice, including victims by default like myself.”
Make Amends is available for victims throughout Devon, Cornwall and the Isles of Scilly. It can be used across all types of crime including antisocial behaviour, domestic violence, burglary, shop lifting, harassment, hate crimes and sexual offences.
The project is delivered by Devon-based Shekinah, which provides a range of services for homeless, addicted, socially excluded, and vulnerable adults.
Lucy Evans, Make Amends service manager, said: “In RJ one party needs to take accountability, accept that they have caused harm, whether intentionally or not. This differs to mediation where often both parties think the other is in the wrong. Both parties must consent to RJ as it’s entirely voluntary and it can be withdrawn at any time, even once the process has started.
“Another misconception is the harmer has to be ‘sorry’ and the victim then forgives them. For some victims being sorry is irrelevant as it can be just a word. Instead, they want the harmer to understand the impact of the harm that they have caused as they want to see their behaviour change and they also want to have their say.
“It gives victims closure as in the criminal justice process they don’t always have the opportunity to explain the consequences of the harmer’s actions. It’s really powerful and can be done in a variety of ways such as writing a letter, face-to-face and video conferencing.
“We also offer Restorative Circles which involves groups of victims, in areas such as antisocial behaviour. The idea is to create a stronger community by bringing people together to discuss areas of concern and work on solutions to these concerns.”
According to national statistics, RJ can reduce offending by 14 per cent. Government research shows that 85 per cent of victims who take part in RJ found the experience useful and were satisfied with the outcome.
Just over £300,000 has been funded to the service by the OPCC this year.
Police and Crime Commissioner Alison Hernandez has praised the bravery of Seth and Julie and said their story highlights why her office has funded this vital service for so many years.
She said: “Securing justice for victims is paramount to help them recover. I am in awe of the courage that some victims are able to muster to engage in what can be a distressing, but constructive conclusion to their crime.
“Its aim is to help victims recover more quickly, get answers to questions, and crucially help offenders fully understand the devastating impact their actions caused in the hope of making it less likely they will offend again.”
Devon & Cornwall Police has a full-time RJ Coordinator who manages any referrals which are made by police officers following conversations with victims.
Mark Myer, Restorative Justice Coordination Manager, said: “Having worked within the criminal justice sector for nearly four decades, I understand acutely the importance of providing a strong voice for those harmed by crime and ensuring their needs are met, alongside the need to address the wider impact of offending and to better protect our communities by reducing the likelihood of reoffending.
“In my experience, no approach produces so much success and powerful impact in this regard as RJ. The stories of Seth and Julie, and their courage to tell them, amply demonstrates the powerful and potentially transformative impact that RJ can have upon those directly affected by crime – and indeed the wider community.
“None of this would be possible without the highly professional and nationally recognised work of our commissioned RJ service Make Amends. Seth and Julie’s powerful account demonstrates the importance of ensuring that all victims of crime are given the opportunity to explore RJ should they wish, and this right is now helpfully enshrined in law as part of the Victims Code of Practice.
“To access RJ, you can contact the Victim Care Unit of Devon and Cornwall Police via the contact details below.”
Non-crime and self-referrals to explore RJ can be made by emailing makeamends@shekinah.co.uk or calling Make Amends on 01803 222033.
To find out more about Restorative Justice visit Criminal Justice and You, a multimedia resource for people affected by crime.
To access support online visit the Victim Care Devon & Cornwall website at https://victimcare-dc.org/
